Mama Melt Down Zone // Making Sense of Anger & Rage
Even as I type these first words, there are parts of me bristling. Can’t we just move past those melt down moments and do better the next time. Wouldn’t it be great if it worked that way.
Maybe we need to think about anger just a little bit differently. Rather than staying stuck in guilt that eventually grows into shame, becoming the condemning voice of our inner. critic, let’s get curious together.
Could it be that anger is trying to tell us something? If just for a moment I could give space for the angry part of me to speak, what might it say? You see, I’m learning anger can actually be quite helpful. And when I can listen to it at it’s very first sign, maybe the tension in my body, a twinge in my stomach, it doesn’t have to get quite so loud or quite so big. My anger may be informing me about a boundary that needs to be set. Someone or something has step over a line, into an area of my life uninvited. Maybe I’m saying yes to things that are not part of my gifting or things that God is not actually calling me to. Anger can actually help me know my limits and understand my capacity.
Rage is anger on steroids. When we let anger go unnoticed, unexpressed, not acknowledging the wisdom it actually has to offer, it grows and gets louder. Rage becomes destructive externally and internally. Externally holes get punched in walls, dishes get broken, doors get slammed, voices get loud, and words become harsh and hurtful. Internally self-harming behaviors emerge, including things like eating disorders.
Setting boundaries and humbling embracing the limits of my capacity as a human being are honestly not my favorite things. Oh, but they are necessary. Jesus set boundaries. He took time away. He didn’t heal everyone. He rested when he was weary.
Anger and rage are part of our human experience. It’s healthy to take time to understand both. In the company of a trust friend who loves you and loves Jesus, get curious together. Invite Jesus in. Notice when it happens, what it feels like, what it has to say. Support one another in giving each other permission to say no to the good things that keep you for enjoying the best things. Find the rhythm that works best for you. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Play to your strengths.
In our home we called it the mama melt down zone. It was a line on the floor in the kitchen, giving me space at the end of the day to prepare a meal without three voices vying for my attention. We established a rhythm of snacks and visiting after school,
followed by homework before everyone was too tired to think. Free time of play followed, with the line on the floor in the kitchen depicting the mama melt-down zone, which allowed me to complete the meal that I’d started a little before they came home
from school. Questions that needed a yes or no answer had to be asked before 8 p.m. and things that were needed for school projects or snacks needed to be added to a running shopping list. Everyone learned to do their part. It wasn’t complicated or set in stone. It was a rhythm that helped me not constantly be living outside my capacity as a human, and it spared my kids from mama melt downs most of the time.
“Come to me and I will give you rest—all of you who work so hard beneath a heavy yoke. Wear my yoke—for it fits perfectly—and let me teach you; for I am gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your souls; for I give you only light burdens.” Matthew 11:28-30